One piece of guiding advice that’s always resonated with me way before I learnt about Stoic philosophy was “Focus only on the things that you can control”, which made perfect sense to me. I certainly couldn’t (directly with 100% certainty) control other people, something that was reasonably obvious to me after 10 years of teaching undergraduate maths, but I could still nudge and encourage them in the right direction, just don’t necessarily expect anticipated results.
Eventually the Daily Stoic Twitter account drifted onto my feed (although I recommend following their Instagram since they show snippets of interviews/podcasts and other related things), and I found myself agreeing with more (but not all) of their principles as time goes on. As it turned out, I was already practising a fair few of them, and/or had arrived at the same conclusions independently!
At some point I came across Brigid Delaney’s “Reasons Not to Worry – How to be Stoic in chaotic times” which seemed like a more accessible read than the original source Marcus Aurelius’ “Meditations” (not that I’ve actually tried reading it). My concern with the latter was that even though it would’ve been sufficiently translated, I generally am pretty terrible at picking up subtext/implications and adapting old texts to more modern contexts (as evidenced from some personal experiences with Christian bible study with some very open-minded and understanding Christian friends that were happy to clarify). In comparison, Delaney’s book piqued my interest and with a Readings voucher I picked it up one day while passing by with a friend.
The real selling point for me that isn’t mentioned in the book blurb is that it’s published in 2022 and Delaney is also a fellow Australian, meaning that these include a collection of her thoughts and journey throughout the pandemic lockdown years (2020-2022). Granted, many of the examples that Delaney relates from her life are also separate from that (and would make the book be a bit more relatable in the long run for those who can’t relate to the pandemic lockdown experience) but as someone who went through it all I found the reading to be much more relatable and definitely would recommend to fellow Australians.
Delaney’s book became a surprising comfort read for me in the evenings when I’d finally manage to consciously put aside time to snuggle up in bed and read a few pages at a time, as one of the quotes say, it felt like a wise older sister imparting wisdom onto me in the same way that I would impart wisdom onto my students (or essentially anybody younger than me), so you can expect the writing to be as such, as opposed to something that’s a bit more prescriptive.
In light of the “Focus only on the things you can control” advice I mention in the first paragraph, Delaney describes a “Control Test” as a mental exercise for addressing situations in order to figure out what she can do and what results can she feasibly expect to come out as a result of her actions. Thinking upon it further I realised it could be turned into a regular worksheet or flow diagram with a series of questions e.g.
- Describe the scenario that occurred.
- What are the possible actions that you can do?
- What kind of outcomes are you expecting from those actions?
- Are those outcomes in your full control, or are they subject to variance?
And this has helped me really flesh out the thinking process in my head. However one thing Delaney mentions is that she had the opportunity to practice and discuss the Stoic philosophy with one other person, and in general having an external perspective (i.e. someone who isn’t influenced by the emotions of the person experiencing the event) is undoubtedly very useful.
It’s worth pointing out that I don’t agree with all tenets of the Stoic philosophy, and there have been a number of times this year where I was severely overworked and overburdened to the point where I did not have the mental capacity to consciously practice said good habits. A criticism I saw on Twitter at some point was that it’s really only a philosophy that can be feasibly practiced given some level of life comfort and privilege, and honestly I can’t disagree with that.
So, in the end, I would wholeheartedly recommend reading Delaney’s book at least within the next few years if you’re in a reasonably comfortable stage of your life where you’re not worrying about essential life basics (e.g. food, shelter) nor living paycheck-to-paycheck, and perhaps you’re looking for a philosophy to help shape your approach to life. Delaney has really made the Stoic philosophy much more approachable by relating it to incidents in her life, and also includes some additional resources and references for further reading.
It’ll undoubtedly be a book that I’ll return to every now and then in the future in case I need some reaffirmation.
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